Releasing my stress by Breathing

1. I'll try using drapetomania five times in a sentence. (Cool, cheat)
2. I must create a more posts with new words like drapetomania , yum.
3. Drapetomania reminds me of dracula with an ape doing some weird tomato crazy things.
4. (Courtesy of Wikipedia:) Drapetomania was a supposed mental illness that caused black slaves to flee captivity.
5.  There's too much real shit in the world to spend time thinking about drapetomania, so let's just drop this.

Too much stuff on my plate is how I feel today. There is plain too much stuff. So many expectations from teachers, from myself and the irrational necessity to impress my friends.

The first thing I remembered when I woke up today was 'I have a Chemistry test second period. Shit. Why did I have to fall asleep at 10.30 last night when I could have spent a couple more hours studying. Urgh. There's no use complaining now. I got up, listened to some Lady Gaga pop (Do what you want (with my body)), bounced around to get my blood flowing and started reviewing. I had an hour before school. I thought 'I might as well try and do theory'. Sometimes in life, things don't go the way we plan them out to (and I could improve my planning drastically), but the point is to never give up and just keep going and get yourself through this.

What I've realized recently is that I use the words "Sometimes" and "I don't know know" and more specifically (sarcasm here) "things" so often in my typing it's uncountable. I'm not sure of things (and there we go again) 100% of the time - but that's okay I guess. Not knowing how certain things are in my life doesn't change the person that I am. Now, back to the story I was telling you about taking care of my stress.

I got to school, biting cold and my feet hugging the second snow on the sidewalk. Some poor unfortunate soul in my class forgot there was a test today. Drats. Good luck to them studying in First period. I, for one, needed it, and bad. I was already freaking out - trust me, you couldn't tell from looking at me, but I've got a serious case of anxiety issues. I blank out on tests and end up scoring a 60 (sometimes even less, but I aim for the 85's range). Yeah it's bad. Not terrible terrible bad, but considering my several hours of studying were reduced to nothing because of anxiety dust... yeah, I've got a bad case of the nerves. I decided to fix it. With the help of dealing with stress in Health class, I've tried Tai Chi and Deep Breathing and a whole lot of just focusing on your breath. You can think of anything really while breathing. I think about what my role is in the universe. Well, I've tried that once. It was fun, I tell you. What I've tried since this September is deep breathing. Like this (you can try this with me): And it's important to do it slowly and with meaning.

"Breathe in for three" 1,2,3...

"Breathe out for six" 1,2,3,4,5,6...

"Feel your breath in your belly as you breathe in" 1,2,3...

"Release all the stress in your body" 1,2,3,4,5,6...

1,2,3...

1,2,3,4,5,6...

...

......

And so on... I just keep going until I have a true focus in my head. For me, it didn't work instantly. The longer you do this, the easier you can make yourself get focused faster and clear your mind. But this is how it works for me and I'm trying. When I went into 2nd period Chemistry class. I was in an ocean of calm. I did not recognize myself. I went in and aced that test. Surely it's at least an 80 (but I'll aim for higher next time!). Tests tests tests. They don't change who we are, but we can change the way we perceive how much effort we put into them. I just remember, "You are worth it." Say that to yourself when you get frustrated. It works.